Creative Cancer

I am a procrastinator.

Even as I write I’m constantly glancing over at my computer at a video of Tekken Tag 2. Things slip under my examination at every turn, personal or business, it matters not. Past loves go by the wayside as current duties grow in size. They become overwhelming, painful to deal with, disgusting to even talk about let alone discuss.

I ignore it, one could say. It’s apart of life. People go through spells and bouts of fatigue for passion, sick of trying to follow how-tos and quick over-the-desk remedies for lack of creativity. I knew once everything caught up with me I’d begin to lose sight of myself and my dreams. I was withering.

So I clean my room. The clutter of old, high school clothes and the chaos brought on by stress and work was one of the many tumors in my life. I stopped the flow and it shrunk down to size. Old clothes, shoes and books will now go to someone who wants and needs them for the Holidays.

There are still many more things to cut from my life, but it’s all about letting go and finding the source. If you can remove the things in your life that cause you grief in your creative life then slowly you will find healing. They may be benign, like TV or too much internet time. They may be malignant, like self-doubt or depression. It’s a matter of how badly you want your creativity back or even more so, how badly do you want to live your life to the fullest?

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Forget What You Read…

I can’t think of how long it’s been since I’ve done this. Wrote a word on a page from my mind to ink or pressed a button on my laptop? How can I call myself a writer I’ll never know.

It happens all the time, I reach my peak and then hit a snag, a bump in the road. I stumble and lose my balance but only come out with minor cuts and bruises. Then something foreign invades those cuts, blood pools under the bruises and slowly I deteriorate. 

My pen dries up and I forget how to use it. I make excuses at every turn.

“The bleeding will stop once I start back again.”

“I’ll get to it soon, I just need to wait for the right time…”

“Oh I’ve been writing a couple days but it’s not very good so I’m taking a break.”

“I’m busy with work and just don’t have the time…”

“I have a lot of schoolwork and it just gets in the way…”

Stop. Just stop.

There are people out there who will help others with dried up pens and barren inspirations. People we love, people we don’t know personally but through their work. Very few are out to get us, we don’t have haters if we are invisible. So then the only person who actively gets in our way is ourselves. We can be our own worst enemies, but we’ve heard this story before. The question is how and will our endings be different from any other?

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